Only God

Because we have been able to spend more time with Little Man, we've been able to learn a lot about him. His personality, his likes & dislikes, his health, his habits… the things you can only learn about someone by spending time with them. And we can say that only God could have known how perfectly he would fit into our family. We did a puzzle fundraiser asking people to donate to our adoption process and help piece together our family. Only God could have known that Little Man would be the perfect puzzle piece to our family. Here's some examples.

He's stubborn. If he wants to do something, he'll do it and usually with a smile on his face. If he doesn't, he won't. That doesn't mean he'll be kicking and screaming against it. He just won't do it - like when I mentioned in my last post about trying to find out why he wouldn't eat. We've also heard stories from his caretakers about deciding he didn't want to go to school one day… he just didn't want to & made it up in his mind that he wasn't going. We heard it was like WW3 trying to get him ready. How does this fit perfectly in our family? He could not have a better father than Trey, someone possibly more stubborn than Little Man.

He LOVES airplanes. We bought him a small dump truck, back hoe, and airplane for Christmas. I thought he hated the airplane since he wasn't playing with it. Then I heard he asked for an airplane from the school that donated gifts to the orphanage. And I noticed that he wouldn't let anyone else play with his airplane that we bought him. When Trey pointed out the airport when he stayed with us, he went crazy with excitement. The thing is, he's never lived in a town with an airport. He may have seen a few airplanes overhead, but they are pretty high when they fly over his village. So, we aren't sure how he learned about planes, but we know that he LOVES them. How does this fit perfectly in our family? Trey loves planes. He wasn't always the biggest fan of flying on them, but he loves watching them take off and land. We currently live just a few blocks from the airport and he likes to guess which airline is taking off when we hear it. Little Man is already just like his daddy.

He has sensitive skin. He has had rashes break out to very simple things. How does this fit perfectly in our family? This might sound silly, but I have sensitive skin, too! I know how to deal with sensitive skin issues and I can sympathize when it's bothering him.

The relationship between Little Man & Chandler can only be explained by God. Chandler doesn't try to say the names of any of the other kids at the orphanage, but she tries his. When she sees the kids she's happy and smiles, but when she sees him, she lights up and she runs to hug him. If she falls while she's playing, Little Man is the first to run to her, brush her off, and make sure she's ok. I can send him to find her and he comes back carrying her… she will only let him do this. It's pretty obvious how this fits perfectly in our family, but I just wanted to give some credit to God. I truly believe that he gave them a special relationship and bond with each other - the kind of bond only siblings can have. 

Only God could have known that one day we would be matched with the perfect little boy to join our family. Without Little Man knowing what would happen in his future, God made him the perfect fit for our family and for that I am grateful. These are only a few things of a growing list of how God made Little Man the perfect fit for our family.

Merry {first} Christmas!

While Trey was in Kenya, I found out some things about Little Man that I wasn't sure of. Based on his name, people had told us that he was from an Islamic family. I confirmed this by asking some of the older kids where he is currently living. They said they knew for sure because the first couple of days he was there he performed his prayers 5 times a day. Then when he realized no one else was doing it, he stopped. I had them ask him {he's still learning French and doesn't always understand mine :)} if he still knew the prayers. He said yes. My eyes began to open and my mind began to race and my heart began to melt. What did we ever do to deserve to be this kid's parents? What a privilege.

Trey returned the Monday before Christmas. Little Man asked me if he could be at the airport when "papa" came back. I told him unfortunately that wouldn't work out, but we would be back to see him soon. It worked out that Little Man {and a friend} were able to stay the night with us Tuesday night. This was HUGE. First, he got to see what our life was like. He got to see how we would love him in our home, provide for him, and essentially how things work in our home. Trey took him to see the beach for the first time. He tried {but didn't like} pizza. He played with blocks for the first time. He broke one of Chandler's toys, the first of many I'm sure. He opened his first Christmas gifts. And Chandler stole them, again not the only time this will happen. It was a great night. The next day I made lunch and he wasn't ready to eat. I asked him to eat since we needed to get on the road to head back to Sakété. He took a few bites, pushed the food away and walked out the front door. I thought he was going to play with Barley {the dog} as he had done before. Then I heard the gate to the road open and shut. I took off, yelling at Trey, afraid of what was going on. I go out to find him throwing up. We tried to ask him what was going on. He wouldn't talk. We asked if he wasn't feeling well. Silence. We assured him we weren't mad, just wanted to know why he threw up. Silence. We then got the friend {who's much older} to talk to him in the local language. Silence. So then we enlisted Rigo, the man who helps around our house and seems to have a way with kids. Rigo talked, Little Man answered. Apparently, he wasn't hungry, but thought I'd be mad if he didn't eat what I made him. So he tried, it hurt his stomach, so he threw it up. We told him it was ok. We weren't mad, just concerned. He then took a 2 hour nap - knocked out, snoring kind of nap - which he doesn't take naps anymore.

All in all, it was a good two days. But it only got better for this mama's heart. Remember when I said he came from an Islamic family, well that means that this Christmas was the first time he's ever celebrated Jesus' birth. I don't think that God made Trey sick so that we would be able to spend Christmas with Little Man, but I do think that God blessed us with the opportunity to spend his first Christmas with him in the midst of our trials. We sat there and watched as he heard the Christmas story for the first time. We watched as scripture was read and the birth of our Savior was made the most important. And then we watched as he excitedly opened his Christmas gifts. That night, we invited him to stay the night at our friend's apartment with us. He agreed to staying in the same room with us & Chandler. When bedtime came, tears started coming. We aren't sure exactly why… maybe he was just overwhelmed with everything, but eventually he made his way into our room and to the palette we made for him next to Chandler. I sat there and rubbed his back until he was asleep. Trey and I slept soundly having our 2 kids under one roof - our little family of four.

When we decided to adopt an older child, I accepted the fact that we wouldn't see a lot of his "firsts." You know, first smile, first laugh, first word, first steps, first solid foods, first holidays… all of those typical firsts. But God showed me differently. They may not be all the same "firsts" that Chandler had, but there are surprisingly a lot - first Christmas, first American food, first time at the beach, first time playing with blocks, and the list will go on and continue to grow.

We are still a little ways out from having Little Man permanently in our home, but every day is one step closer. And having days and nights like those mentioned above is an incredible insight into our future. We are so thankful that God has given us the opportunity to have another child and the opportunity to currently build a relationship with him. After we had Chandler, I wondered how it was possible to have more children and love them the same. I even asked other mothers how they did it. Their answer was that it just happens. Now, I understand. It just happens.

#givingtuesday

I love to shop. And I love a good deal. So naturally, I love Black Friday. (Side note: But my favorite shopping day of the year is the day after Christmas shopping, possibly because one year my brother and I saw two grown women get in a fist fight over a RubberMaid wrapping paper holder at Target.) Black Friday has grown into Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. I'm totally ok with that. Great deals everywhere.

There's a new trend for Tuesday. It's called Giving Tuesday. Basically, you've spent a ton of money throughout those 3 days on yourself, your family, and your friends, so on Tuesday it's time to give back. There are a ton of amazing organizations to give to and people in the community to share with. We want to throw another opportunity out there.

We posted recently about the cost of our adoption. We've done two different fundraisers, and it's time for another. Today we want to start piecing together our family. Here's the idea: We have bought a 500 piece puzzle. We're "selling" each piece for $10. For every $10 given, we will write that person's name or family's name on the back of a puzzle piece. We will then put the puzzle together as a family, frame it with glass on both sides, and hang it in our home as a constant reminder of everyone who helped "Piece Together Our Family." In case you haven't done the math yet, 500 x $10 = $5,000. That would be an incredible dent in our fundraising.

We will hopefully post pictures weekly of all the pieces bought that week to show our progress. We've decided to leave the puzzle in the states for now because of the harsh climate here. Trey's parents have agreed to help with the names and pictures. We've ordered a puzzle from Ravensburger puzzles of a picture we've taken in Benin. It will look like this:

So, we hope on this Giving Tuesday you will find a place to give back. If you would like to donate to our adoption needs, you can visit our donation website: www.youcaring.com/fondrenadoption or if you'd prefer to give cash or check, you can give it to a family member in Pensacola or Panama City or contact us for an address to mail.

We encourage you to find somewhere and someway to give back this holiday season!

On social media use: #givingtuesday and #fondrenadoption

setbacks

We have all experienced setbacks in our life. It's normal. In college, I got mono and had to take a semester off to get better. Then, I chose to move for my dream job which caused me to put school off a little longer. After Trey and I got married, that job was being dissolved. Later that year my mom was diagnosed with cancer. We applied to be missionaries with the IMB and were set to be appointed in September, but that weekend my mom passed away. Another setback. Daily in Africa we experience setbacks. Nothing works as smoothly as we think it should. Some of these setbacks have been paths I've chosen and some have been unavoidable. Some I would rather have not experienced. What I'm saying is that setbacks are normal. They are a part of life. And not a single one of these setbacks has caused me to not reach the end goal.

In adoption, we were warned to be patient. There would be setbacks. No questions, it would happen. So, earlier this week when we heard that the papers we thought went to the notary in mid-October possibly didn't go, we were disappointed. We set up a meeting with our lawyer to find out what was going on. From Tuesday to Friday we had time to process this possibility. And on Friday, it was confirmed. Those papers had not gone to the notary. You see, these papers start a mandatory 3 month waiting period. We thought that time would be up mid-January, but now... it hasn't even started. First setback.

So far, this is our only setback. But it will help prepare us for others. We are told the papers will go to the notary next week. Pray with us that this will happen. And that the notary will sign them & return them quickly. We're ready to have Little Man in our home. We're ready to have our family together under one roof.

But for now, we are trying to be patient and take each setback for what it's worth, realizing that God is faithful and will see it through to the end of this process.

National Adoption Month

In case you didn't know, November is National Adoption Month. We are almost to the end of the month, and we haven't posted anything about it yet. There's a lot of reasons for this - computer crashing, traveling and lack of internet, visitors in Benin - but one in particular is that I'm not sure what to say about it, yet. We are still early on in this adoption process. I know that the roller coaster of emotions is only beginning and I'm still trying to figure out how to process all of it.

We were in the states in October for vacation. Before we left, we visited with Little Man. Within a week of us returning, we headed to visit him again. We turned on the road to the orphanage excited to see him with his young "brothers" and two older "sisters" walking home from school for lunch. Everyone was excited to see us… except for him. The other boys all quickly jumped in the back of the truck for a ride up to the building. Little Man refused. He was scared. He began kicking and screaming.  My heart sank. I was so sad. I was hoping for a joyous welcome. The last time we saw him we were smiling and laughing and playing… and now this.

I know… what else should I expect. He's a young child who has been on quite the roller coaster of a life already. And then these people come in and tell him we're going to make him a part of our family. Then he doesn't see us for a month. And then we're back again. I'm sure I would be kicking and screaming, too. I can't even imagine all of the thoughts going through his head.

Eventually, and reluctantly, he entered the compound. He gave us hugs… reluctantly. And then we gave him some clothes and a few small toys we brought back for him from America. He warmed up a little more to us and left with a smile on his face to return to school for the afternoon session. I left mixed with emotions. We returned a week later for another short visit and it was much better. No kicking and screaming, and I even got a few kisses.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is… we have a long journey ahead. Even once Little Man is officially part of our family we will still have a long road ahead. However, because of things like National Adoption Month we can connect with a community on the same journey as we are. We can understand what it is like to be adoptive parents just beginning or even ten years into it. We can read articles written by adopted children/adults or siblings of adopted children about their "side" of things. This month helps us to feel like we're not on this journey alone, and for that I am grateful.

The Cost

We've mentioned before about the cost of our adoption. We are hoping to save some money by being in country, however, that doesn't mean it's free!  We want to help you better understand our costs. Since we are not going through an agency, we can't give the exact total, but only what we believe are the costs. And there are some items we are still unsure of, so those will be blank for now and I'll fill them in as we get a better idea.

Orphanage & Benin Lawyer Fees…….$9,333 (7,500 Euros - paid 4,500)
USA Lawyer Fees……………………....$3,600 (paid in full)
Translation…………………………...….$521 (275,000 CFA - already paid this amount, but more to come)
Homestudy……………………………....???
Benin Passport…………………………$60 (approximate)
USA Visa……………………………...…...???
USA Paperwork……………………...….$720 + $85
Room & Board                                $65/month (while he is not in our home)
Current Total (approximate)             $15,000

There are several other possible costs that we are not sure that we will have to pay yet. Some of these costs could increase as time goes on (translation, room & board). We share this information so you can see the amount that we have in front of us. Through our current fundraising we have raised: $2,030. Obviously, we have a little ways to go. Thankfully, we still have time. Be on the look out for some more fundraising efforts. And if you'd like a shirt, let us know. We've had more interest and will be placing another order!

Fundraising Items

Are you looking to get a gift for that special person in your life? Maybe you want to get your Christmas shopping done early? And you like to support a cause while you're shopping?? We'll I've got just the gift for you! We've got several different items made in African cloth that we bought in Benin and Nigeria. Buying one of these items and 100% of the cost goes towards our adoption! See the items posted below and visit this Facebook album to see all the patterns available. Everything is first come, first serve - so comment, email, text, call, whatever you gotta do, just get in touch with us! If you'd like the item shipped, add $3. If you've already bought a shirt, we'll add your items to your package.

But most importantly, please continue to be praying. We're still waiting. We hope to begin the judicial process some time early in 2015, but we aren't sure yet. So, pray for patience. Pray for our relationship to continue to grow with Little Man. Pray for his health and safety. Pray for our friends who are caring for him, treating him as one of their own. And pray now for a smooth judicial process.

The First Time We Met...

It's been such a BIG few days for our family. Friday, we welcomed our niece Olivia into the world. Sunday, we met Little Man. Monday, we celebrated our sis-in-law, Ashley's birthday (and Olivia went home from the hospital). And Tuesday was the anniversary of my mom's Home-going. I think the Lord is really awesome at providing such exciting times in our family during one of the hardest times.

The month of September, 2007, was the first time I met Trey. It's only fitting that 7 years later, the same month is the first time we meet our Little Man. That's what happened this weekend. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't what I had pictured or dreamed of, but it is reality. On Sunday, we met with the President of the NGO we're working with in order to sign some papers and get some basic information. We then learned that we had been sitting next to Little Man while waiting for him to arrive. I had thought it was possibly him, but I wasn't sure. And he wasn't sure about us.

The day before he was brought from the village to the orphanage. He and his siblings have been living with extended family after his parent's passing. For now, we'll be keeping most of his story private, but we want you to know a little about him. A lot of changes happened for him in a matter of hours. And then he was told these white people, possibly the first white people he's ever seen, want him to be a part of their family. He's 3, almost 4. This is a lot for him to process. He closed up a little bit. That night we ate dinner at the orphanage, and one of the other kids convinced him to come greet us. Since he doesn't speak a lick of French, they had taught him to say, "Bonsoir." He greeted us, and then went to sit with a friend.

Monday we saw him again. He came to greet us immediately, but wasn't necessarily friendly. Trey went out for some research with some pastors and I stayed there. He eventually came around to play with Chandler and some of the other kids. I got a few smiles out of him... He would stare at me or Chandler and when I would look at him with a smile, he would turn away quickly to hide his smile. I also found out he's ticklish :) that really made him smile. The other kids asked him to put on a shirt. He didn't want to. We spent about an hour trying to convince him to put one on. We asked where his shirt was from the day before, but he said he had lost it. We later found it mixed in with the dishes... who knows how that happened. But he was very happy when it was found. When Trey got back he somehow convinced him to play. Trey kicked soccer balls back and forth between him and another boy. When they wore Trey out, Trey sat down and threw the balls with them. All three really enjoyed it. And I enjoyed watching it. When it was time for us to leave, he was wrapped in an African cloth wrapper since his clothes were being washed. He was sent out to tell us bye, and had the biggest smile and laugh. We said goodbye in French and in Goon (which he speaks).

I'm sure he's still not too sure about us. That makes sense. But we're grateful for the opportunity to meet him. We also will be able to visit him as we like. There's still not a definite timeline for us. We know we're approaching a 3 month wait period. His family will go to a notary to sign a paper saying they want him to be adopted. Then, we wait. There's 3 months for anyone in his family to take that paper back saying they'll provide care for him. So, until that time is up, we wait. We pray. We ask you to pray. We connect with him. We raise funds. That's where we are.

it takes a village...

It takes a village to raise a child.

-African Proverb

This is an African Proverb that I'm sure you've heard before. But it's not just a saying here... they mean it. Your child is not just your child. Your child is also your neighbor's child and the sweet lady down the street's child. Life here is lived as a community and that includes raising children. Community living involves caring for each other's needs even when someone may not have anything to give. It means being ready to strap your neighbor's baby on your back in order to put them to sleep for an afternoon nap because she needs you to. It means what's mine is yours... in everything. Community living is a very easy concept for us in some areas, and a very difficult concept in others. When it comes to being caring and hospitable, got it. But when it comes to possessions, or punishing another child, not so easy. But, we've learned a lot about community.

With the adoption process in front of us, we are approached with the daunting task of paying a large amount of money in order to bring home our kiddo. We don't mean buying our child. We mean adoption fees. These things include lawyer fees, orphanage fees, court fees, US government fees, passport, visa, travel, and many, many other expenses. Being in Benin, we're able to cut back on many of the expenses related to traveling across the globe, but that doesn't mean all the other fees are waived. 

We are doing things on our own - saving, watching our spending, putting aside birthday & Christmas money, etc. - but the amount we will need is much larger than we can do on our own. So, we've come us with a few different fundraising ideas. We want you, our friends and family and network, to be part of our village.

First, we have a t-shirt for sale. Our goal is to sell 100 of these! See the photo below for information and become part of our "village."

Family Update

Before Trey and I got married, we saw international adoption in our future. We didn't know when, from where, or which child, but we knew it would happen one day. We talked about it from time to time... the details, that is. And then we had Chandler. We are so blessed by her little presence and personality. Watching her grow over the last 17 months has been incredible. We began to talk about growing our family. We talked about when we'd start trying again. We counted out the months and when a new baby would be born. We talked about how old we wanted Chandler to be when she became a big sister.

Living overseas has continued to open our eyes to the heartache of this world. We've made friends who work at an orphanage (friends we've mentioned on here before) and have seen insight into their world. Also, insight into the children's backgrounds and lives. God continued to push international adoption to the forefront of our minds. We began to search out what it would look like to adopt from Benin. We've heard stories and seen people in the process here. It hasn't been easy, but then again, what adoption (domestic or international) is easy?

I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this... the family update we have.... we're in the process to adopt from Benin. We have begun and are taking it step by step, daily. There's still a lot of uncertainty in adoptions from Benin, which gives us a lot of uncertainty. But we know this is something the Lord has placed on our hearts for years. And we know He's giving us a peace about it now.

We are asking you to pray with us. Pray for ease in this process. Pray for judges and other officials to be compassionate. Pray for the child God has already picked out for us. Pray for their health and well being. Pray for those caring for him/her. Pray for Chandler and her adjustment to a sibling (and learning how to share!). And pray for us that we will be discerning in this process. And that we will be patient.

We plan to keep you updated on the process as much as we can. But know that often, we won't know what is going on! Feel free to write and ask us how it's going, too. We want to bring you, our partners in prayer and ministry, along on this journey.