momentary freak out

Yesterday I had one of those. It hit me. All of the sudden, this thing we've been talking about for a year is here. We're really doing this. We're really moving to Africa.

I've been reading some colleagues blogs to prepare myself. Unfortunately, it triggered a freak out.

I knew that we would encounter days without power, to which I rationalized - I grew up in Florida... with hurricanes. I've done this whole no power thing. And then it hit me. This is going to be life. Not just a week or two without power, but a complete change of our lifestyle.

I knew that I would be cooking most meals from scratch, to which I rationalized - I can cook hamburger helper. And obviously, that's not a good rationalization. And then it hit me. We might starve. I can't cook. Trey, please forgive me now for your upcoming starvation.

I knew we would be learning a new language, to which I rationalized - the national language is English. There will be no problems communicating. And then it hit me. I want to relate to the hearts of the people we're going to serve. Their heart is not English. To reach their heart I need to speak their native language.

A year ago things were very different. We were just accepting this new position and beginning to transition our lives. A year ago my mom was still alive and helping me through this transition. She's not here now to talk with me and pray with me. But there is one thing that is continuing to resonate with me. As we were deciding on this new position I felt rushed. I felt like it was all happening too quickly. I went to her for advice and prayer. I knew she couldn't make the decision for me, but knew she would pray. She told me to write down the date that the Lord confirms what we are to do. That way in times of need I can refer back to that date and be reminded of His calling.

May 29, 2011 - I was teaching 7th & 8th grade girls Sunday school. We were in the midst of this monumental decision. I was reading over my lesson one last time before the girls came to class and it was like the words jumped off the page... literally. "God has made it clear whom you should serve." And at that moment His peace rested on me. I had the confirmation Trey was waiting for me to have. We were to take this step. This leap of faith. And so we did.

Now here I am. So grateful for a mother who loved the Lord first and allowed that to permeate her life and relationships. In my moment of freak out when I long for her advice, the Lord gives me His peace through her words over a year ago. Yes, everything is different than a year ago. And it's about to be a much more drastic change. But there is one thing I'm certain of, our God never changes. He remains faithful through our trials. He remains constant through our change. He is good. He is in control.

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. "
Matthew 6:25-34 NASB