Only God

Because we have been able to spend more time with Little Man, we've been able to learn a lot about him. His personality, his likes & dislikes, his health, his habits… the things you can only learn about someone by spending time with them. And we can say that only God could have known how perfectly he would fit into our family. We did a puzzle fundraiser asking people to donate to our adoption process and help piece together our family. Only God could have known that Little Man would be the perfect puzzle piece to our family. Here's some examples.

He's stubborn. If he wants to do something, he'll do it and usually with a smile on his face. If he doesn't, he won't. That doesn't mean he'll be kicking and screaming against it. He just won't do it - like when I mentioned in my last post about trying to find out why he wouldn't eat. We've also heard stories from his caretakers about deciding he didn't want to go to school one day… he just didn't want to & made it up in his mind that he wasn't going. We heard it was like WW3 trying to get him ready. How does this fit perfectly in our family? He could not have a better father than Trey, someone possibly more stubborn than Little Man.

He LOVES airplanes. We bought him a small dump truck, back hoe, and airplane for Christmas. I thought he hated the airplane since he wasn't playing with it. Then I heard he asked for an airplane from the school that donated gifts to the orphanage. And I noticed that he wouldn't let anyone else play with his airplane that we bought him. When Trey pointed out the airport when he stayed with us, he went crazy with excitement. The thing is, he's never lived in a town with an airport. He may have seen a few airplanes overhead, but they are pretty high when they fly over his village. So, we aren't sure how he learned about planes, but we know that he LOVES them. How does this fit perfectly in our family? Trey loves planes. He wasn't always the biggest fan of flying on them, but he loves watching them take off and land. We currently live just a few blocks from the airport and he likes to guess which airline is taking off when we hear it. Little Man is already just like his daddy.

He has sensitive skin. He has had rashes break out to very simple things. How does this fit perfectly in our family? This might sound silly, but I have sensitive skin, too! I know how to deal with sensitive skin issues and I can sympathize when it's bothering him.

The relationship between Little Man & Chandler can only be explained by God. Chandler doesn't try to say the names of any of the other kids at the orphanage, but she tries his. When she sees the kids she's happy and smiles, but when she sees him, she lights up and she runs to hug him. If she falls while she's playing, Little Man is the first to run to her, brush her off, and make sure she's ok. I can send him to find her and he comes back carrying her… she will only let him do this. It's pretty obvious how this fits perfectly in our family, but I just wanted to give some credit to God. I truly believe that he gave them a special relationship and bond with each other - the kind of bond only siblings can have. 

Only God could have known that one day we would be matched with the perfect little boy to join our family. Without Little Man knowing what would happen in his future, God made him the perfect fit for our family and for that I am grateful. These are only a few things of a growing list of how God made Little Man the perfect fit for our family.

Merry {first} Christmas!

While Trey was in Kenya, I found out some things about Little Man that I wasn't sure of. Based on his name, people had told us that he was from an Islamic family. I confirmed this by asking some of the older kids where he is currently living. They said they knew for sure because the first couple of days he was there he performed his prayers 5 times a day. Then when he realized no one else was doing it, he stopped. I had them ask him {he's still learning French and doesn't always understand mine :)} if he still knew the prayers. He said yes. My eyes began to open and my mind began to race and my heart began to melt. What did we ever do to deserve to be this kid's parents? What a privilege.

Trey returned the Monday before Christmas. Little Man asked me if he could be at the airport when "papa" came back. I told him unfortunately that wouldn't work out, but we would be back to see him soon. It worked out that Little Man {and a friend} were able to stay the night with us Tuesday night. This was HUGE. First, he got to see what our life was like. He got to see how we would love him in our home, provide for him, and essentially how things work in our home. Trey took him to see the beach for the first time. He tried {but didn't like} pizza. He played with blocks for the first time. He broke one of Chandler's toys, the first of many I'm sure. He opened his first Christmas gifts. And Chandler stole them, again not the only time this will happen. It was a great night. The next day I made lunch and he wasn't ready to eat. I asked him to eat since we needed to get on the road to head back to Sakété. He took a few bites, pushed the food away and walked out the front door. I thought he was going to play with Barley {the dog} as he had done before. Then I heard the gate to the road open and shut. I took off, yelling at Trey, afraid of what was going on. I go out to find him throwing up. We tried to ask him what was going on. He wouldn't talk. We asked if he wasn't feeling well. Silence. We assured him we weren't mad, just wanted to know why he threw up. Silence. We then got the friend {who's much older} to talk to him in the local language. Silence. So then we enlisted Rigo, the man who helps around our house and seems to have a way with kids. Rigo talked, Little Man answered. Apparently, he wasn't hungry, but thought I'd be mad if he didn't eat what I made him. So he tried, it hurt his stomach, so he threw it up. We told him it was ok. We weren't mad, just concerned. He then took a 2 hour nap - knocked out, snoring kind of nap - which he doesn't take naps anymore.

All in all, it was a good two days. But it only got better for this mama's heart. Remember when I said he came from an Islamic family, well that means that this Christmas was the first time he's ever celebrated Jesus' birth. I don't think that God made Trey sick so that we would be able to spend Christmas with Little Man, but I do think that God blessed us with the opportunity to spend his first Christmas with him in the midst of our trials. We sat there and watched as he heard the Christmas story for the first time. We watched as scripture was read and the birth of our Savior was made the most important. And then we watched as he excitedly opened his Christmas gifts. That night, we invited him to stay the night at our friend's apartment with us. He agreed to staying in the same room with us & Chandler. When bedtime came, tears started coming. We aren't sure exactly why… maybe he was just overwhelmed with everything, but eventually he made his way into our room and to the palette we made for him next to Chandler. I sat there and rubbed his back until he was asleep. Trey and I slept soundly having our 2 kids under one roof - our little family of four.

When we decided to adopt an older child, I accepted the fact that we wouldn't see a lot of his "firsts." You know, first smile, first laugh, first word, first steps, first solid foods, first holidays… all of those typical firsts. But God showed me differently. They may not be all the same "firsts" that Chandler had, but there are surprisingly a lot - first Christmas, first American food, first time at the beach, first time playing with blocks, and the list will go on and continue to grow.

We are still a little ways out from having Little Man permanently in our home, but every day is one step closer. And having days and nights like those mentioned above is an incredible insight into our future. We are so thankful that God has given us the opportunity to have another child and the opportunity to currently build a relationship with him. After we had Chandler, I wondered how it was possible to have more children and love them the same. I even asked other mothers how they did it. Their answer was that it just happens. Now, I understand. It just happens.

#givingtuesday

I love to shop. And I love a good deal. So naturally, I love Black Friday. (Side note: But my favorite shopping day of the year is the day after Christmas shopping, possibly because one year my brother and I saw two grown women get in a fist fight over a RubberMaid wrapping paper holder at Target.) Black Friday has grown into Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. I'm totally ok with that. Great deals everywhere.

There's a new trend for Tuesday. It's called Giving Tuesday. Basically, you've spent a ton of money throughout those 3 days on yourself, your family, and your friends, so on Tuesday it's time to give back. There are a ton of amazing organizations to give to and people in the community to share with. We want to throw another opportunity out there.

We posted recently about the cost of our adoption. We've done two different fundraisers, and it's time for another. Today we want to start piecing together our family. Here's the idea: We have bought a 500 piece puzzle. We're "selling" each piece for $10. For every $10 given, we will write that person's name or family's name on the back of a puzzle piece. We will then put the puzzle together as a family, frame it with glass on both sides, and hang it in our home as a constant reminder of everyone who helped "Piece Together Our Family." In case you haven't done the math yet, 500 x $10 = $5,000. That would be an incredible dent in our fundraising.

We will hopefully post pictures weekly of all the pieces bought that week to show our progress. We've decided to leave the puzzle in the states for now because of the harsh climate here. Trey's parents have agreed to help with the names and pictures. We've ordered a puzzle from Ravensburger puzzles of a picture we've taken in Benin. It will look like this:

So, we hope on this Giving Tuesday you will find a place to give back. If you would like to donate to our adoption needs, you can visit our donation website: www.youcaring.com/fondrenadoption or if you'd prefer to give cash or check, you can give it to a family member in Pensacola or Panama City or contact us for an address to mail.

We encourage you to find somewhere and someway to give back this holiday season!

On social media use: #givingtuesday and #fondrenadoption

it takes a village...

It takes a village to raise a child.

-African Proverb

This is an African Proverb that I'm sure you've heard before. But it's not just a saying here... they mean it. Your child is not just your child. Your child is also your neighbor's child and the sweet lady down the street's child. Life here is lived as a community and that includes raising children. Community living involves caring for each other's needs even when someone may not have anything to give. It means being ready to strap your neighbor's baby on your back in order to put them to sleep for an afternoon nap because she needs you to. It means what's mine is yours... in everything. Community living is a very easy concept for us in some areas, and a very difficult concept in others. When it comes to being caring and hospitable, got it. But when it comes to possessions, or punishing another child, not so easy. But, we've learned a lot about community.

With the adoption process in front of us, we are approached with the daunting task of paying a large amount of money in order to bring home our kiddo. We don't mean buying our child. We mean adoption fees. These things include lawyer fees, orphanage fees, court fees, US government fees, passport, visa, travel, and many, many other expenses. Being in Benin, we're able to cut back on many of the expenses related to traveling across the globe, but that doesn't mean all the other fees are waived. 

We are doing things on our own - saving, watching our spending, putting aside birthday & Christmas money, etc. - but the amount we will need is much larger than we can do on our own. So, we've come us with a few different fundraising ideas. We want you, our friends and family and network, to be part of our village.

First, we have a t-shirt for sale. Our goal is to sell 100 of these! See the photo below for information and become part of our "village."