Only God

Because we have been able to spend more time with Little Man, we've been able to learn a lot about him. His personality, his likes & dislikes, his health, his habits… the things you can only learn about someone by spending time with them. And we can say that only God could have known how perfectly he would fit into our family. We did a puzzle fundraiser asking people to donate to our adoption process and help piece together our family. Only God could have known that Little Man would be the perfect puzzle piece to our family. Here's some examples.

He's stubborn. If he wants to do something, he'll do it and usually with a smile on his face. If he doesn't, he won't. That doesn't mean he'll be kicking and screaming against it. He just won't do it - like when I mentioned in my last post about trying to find out why he wouldn't eat. We've also heard stories from his caretakers about deciding he didn't want to go to school one day… he just didn't want to & made it up in his mind that he wasn't going. We heard it was like WW3 trying to get him ready. How does this fit perfectly in our family? He could not have a better father than Trey, someone possibly more stubborn than Little Man.

He LOVES airplanes. We bought him a small dump truck, back hoe, and airplane for Christmas. I thought he hated the airplane since he wasn't playing with it. Then I heard he asked for an airplane from the school that donated gifts to the orphanage. And I noticed that he wouldn't let anyone else play with his airplane that we bought him. When Trey pointed out the airport when he stayed with us, he went crazy with excitement. The thing is, he's never lived in a town with an airport. He may have seen a few airplanes overhead, but they are pretty high when they fly over his village. So, we aren't sure how he learned about planes, but we know that he LOVES them. How does this fit perfectly in our family? Trey loves planes. He wasn't always the biggest fan of flying on them, but he loves watching them take off and land. We currently live just a few blocks from the airport and he likes to guess which airline is taking off when we hear it. Little Man is already just like his daddy.

He has sensitive skin. He has had rashes break out to very simple things. How does this fit perfectly in our family? This might sound silly, but I have sensitive skin, too! I know how to deal with sensitive skin issues and I can sympathize when it's bothering him.

The relationship between Little Man & Chandler can only be explained by God. Chandler doesn't try to say the names of any of the other kids at the orphanage, but she tries his. When she sees the kids she's happy and smiles, but when she sees him, she lights up and she runs to hug him. If she falls while she's playing, Little Man is the first to run to her, brush her off, and make sure she's ok. I can send him to find her and he comes back carrying her… she will only let him do this. It's pretty obvious how this fits perfectly in our family, but I just wanted to give some credit to God. I truly believe that he gave them a special relationship and bond with each other - the kind of bond only siblings can have. 

Only God could have known that one day we would be matched with the perfect little boy to join our family. Without Little Man knowing what would happen in his future, God made him the perfect fit for our family and for that I am grateful. These are only a few things of a growing list of how God made Little Man the perfect fit for our family.

Merry {first} Christmas!

While Trey was in Kenya, I found out some things about Little Man that I wasn't sure of. Based on his name, people had told us that he was from an Islamic family. I confirmed this by asking some of the older kids where he is currently living. They said they knew for sure because the first couple of days he was there he performed his prayers 5 times a day. Then when he realized no one else was doing it, he stopped. I had them ask him {he's still learning French and doesn't always understand mine :)} if he still knew the prayers. He said yes. My eyes began to open and my mind began to race and my heart began to melt. What did we ever do to deserve to be this kid's parents? What a privilege.

Trey returned the Monday before Christmas. Little Man asked me if he could be at the airport when "papa" came back. I told him unfortunately that wouldn't work out, but we would be back to see him soon. It worked out that Little Man {and a friend} were able to stay the night with us Tuesday night. This was HUGE. First, he got to see what our life was like. He got to see how we would love him in our home, provide for him, and essentially how things work in our home. Trey took him to see the beach for the first time. He tried {but didn't like} pizza. He played with blocks for the first time. He broke one of Chandler's toys, the first of many I'm sure. He opened his first Christmas gifts. And Chandler stole them, again not the only time this will happen. It was a great night. The next day I made lunch and he wasn't ready to eat. I asked him to eat since we needed to get on the road to head back to Sakété. He took a few bites, pushed the food away and walked out the front door. I thought he was going to play with Barley {the dog} as he had done before. Then I heard the gate to the road open and shut. I took off, yelling at Trey, afraid of what was going on. I go out to find him throwing up. We tried to ask him what was going on. He wouldn't talk. We asked if he wasn't feeling well. Silence. We assured him we weren't mad, just wanted to know why he threw up. Silence. We then got the friend {who's much older} to talk to him in the local language. Silence. So then we enlisted Rigo, the man who helps around our house and seems to have a way with kids. Rigo talked, Little Man answered. Apparently, he wasn't hungry, but thought I'd be mad if he didn't eat what I made him. So he tried, it hurt his stomach, so he threw it up. We told him it was ok. We weren't mad, just concerned. He then took a 2 hour nap - knocked out, snoring kind of nap - which he doesn't take naps anymore.

All in all, it was a good two days. But it only got better for this mama's heart. Remember when I said he came from an Islamic family, well that means that this Christmas was the first time he's ever celebrated Jesus' birth. I don't think that God made Trey sick so that we would be able to spend Christmas with Little Man, but I do think that God blessed us with the opportunity to spend his first Christmas with him in the midst of our trials. We sat there and watched as he heard the Christmas story for the first time. We watched as scripture was read and the birth of our Savior was made the most important. And then we watched as he excitedly opened his Christmas gifts. That night, we invited him to stay the night at our friend's apartment with us. He agreed to staying in the same room with us & Chandler. When bedtime came, tears started coming. We aren't sure exactly why… maybe he was just overwhelmed with everything, but eventually he made his way into our room and to the palette we made for him next to Chandler. I sat there and rubbed his back until he was asleep. Trey and I slept soundly having our 2 kids under one roof - our little family of four.

When we decided to adopt an older child, I accepted the fact that we wouldn't see a lot of his "firsts." You know, first smile, first laugh, first word, first steps, first solid foods, first holidays… all of those typical firsts. But God showed me differently. They may not be all the same "firsts" that Chandler had, but there are surprisingly a lot - first Christmas, first American food, first time at the beach, first time playing with blocks, and the list will go on and continue to grow.

We are still a little ways out from having Little Man permanently in our home, but every day is one step closer. And having days and nights like those mentioned above is an incredible insight into our future. We are so thankful that God has given us the opportunity to have another child and the opportunity to currently build a relationship with him. After we had Chandler, I wondered how it was possible to have more children and love them the same. I even asked other mothers how they did it. Their answer was that it just happens. Now, I understand. It just happens.

setbacks

We have all experienced setbacks in our life. It's normal. In college, I got mono and had to take a semester off to get better. Then, I chose to move for my dream job which caused me to put school off a little longer. After Trey and I got married, that job was being dissolved. Later that year my mom was diagnosed with cancer. We applied to be missionaries with the IMB and were set to be appointed in September, but that weekend my mom passed away. Another setback. Daily in Africa we experience setbacks. Nothing works as smoothly as we think it should. Some of these setbacks have been paths I've chosen and some have been unavoidable. Some I would rather have not experienced. What I'm saying is that setbacks are normal. They are a part of life. And not a single one of these setbacks has caused me to not reach the end goal.

In adoption, we were warned to be patient. There would be setbacks. No questions, it would happen. So, earlier this week when we heard that the papers we thought went to the notary in mid-October possibly didn't go, we were disappointed. We set up a meeting with our lawyer to find out what was going on. From Tuesday to Friday we had time to process this possibility. And on Friday, it was confirmed. Those papers had not gone to the notary. You see, these papers start a mandatory 3 month waiting period. We thought that time would be up mid-January, but now... it hasn't even started. First setback.

So far, this is our only setback. But it will help prepare us for others. We are told the papers will go to the notary next week. Pray with us that this will happen. And that the notary will sign them & return them quickly. We're ready to have Little Man in our home. We're ready to have our family together under one roof.

But for now, we are trying to be patient and take each setback for what it's worth, realizing that God is faithful and will see it through to the end of this process.

Family Update

Before Trey and I got married, we saw international adoption in our future. We didn't know when, from where, or which child, but we knew it would happen one day. We talked about it from time to time... the details, that is. And then we had Chandler. We are so blessed by her little presence and personality. Watching her grow over the last 17 months has been incredible. We began to talk about growing our family. We talked about when we'd start trying again. We counted out the months and when a new baby would be born. We talked about how old we wanted Chandler to be when she became a big sister.

Living overseas has continued to open our eyes to the heartache of this world. We've made friends who work at an orphanage (friends we've mentioned on here before) and have seen insight into their world. Also, insight into the children's backgrounds and lives. God continued to push international adoption to the forefront of our minds. We began to search out what it would look like to adopt from Benin. We've heard stories and seen people in the process here. It hasn't been easy, but then again, what adoption (domestic or international) is easy?

I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this... the family update we have.... we're in the process to adopt from Benin. We have begun and are taking it step by step, daily. There's still a lot of uncertainty in adoptions from Benin, which gives us a lot of uncertainty. But we know this is something the Lord has placed on our hearts for years. And we know He's giving us a peace about it now.

We are asking you to pray with us. Pray for ease in this process. Pray for judges and other officials to be compassionate. Pray for the child God has already picked out for us. Pray for their health and well being. Pray for those caring for him/her. Pray for Chandler and her adjustment to a sibling (and learning how to share!). And pray for us that we will be discerning in this process. And that we will be patient.

We plan to keep you updated on the process as much as we can. But know that often, we won't know what is going on! Feel free to write and ask us how it's going, too. We want to bring you, our partners in prayer and ministry, along on this journey.

Guest Blogger: Where's my Diet Pepsi?

After his second trip to West Africa, I asked Carl, my father-in-law (or Beau Père - handsome father - as they say in French) to make an appearance on our blog again. The first time he was nervous, but in the end enjoyed it. So, here we go again. Another post from my Beau Père...

Wait, No Diet Pepsi! Before I continue with that thought, let me share a few other thoughts with you. It is amazing to me what you learn about and how much you personally learn when you take a step of faith and trust God with a journey of love.

I was blessed to travel with five other individuals to Benin, West Africa. We had one common goal and that was to make a difference. I know that this is a common adage that is used, but it was true for us.

I want to share about the chemistry of a team of 11 (12 if you count the grandest of grand children, Chandler). This trek began at the Panama City Airport on Sunday afternoon March 16^th. We met with 12 large pieces of luggage plus all of our carry on’s (we were a sight to behold). To say we were excited is to under state the true emotion of what we were feeling. We finally were checked in and on our way to Benin. We skyped Trey, Kristen and Chandler from the airport, just to make sure they knew we were coming. They were ready for us to be there and they had made incredible preparations for us. So after a few hours (23 or so) we arrived in Benin.

Ready or not, Benin, we are here! After we gathered our luggage (the last piece of luggage off the plane was ours) and after walking into the sauna of the night, I began to realize that this team, group, comrades, friends, family, traveling companions, etc. were pretty impressive. Trey and Kristen had a great game plan laid out for us. The one word that still sticks in my mind that they emphasized was flexibility. This group of sojourners took that to heart.

Flexibility is really God’s call to get out of the boat and go where it’s not always comfortable, where your plans will change and where your faith is stretched.  Flexibility took our team into the small villages and the humble homes of the people who live in the West African country of Benin.  God gave us the opportunity to work with pastors and churches as they seek to carry out the Great Commission in their homeland.  I watched in awe as team members shared the stories of God’s Word to people who did not even speak their language.  They were constantly flexible.

As I flew home, I thought about the story of Abraham. God called him out to go to a land he did not know but God would show him.  Abraham ‘s journey was one of flexibility. I watch Trey and Kristen as they follow that same example going to an unfamiliar place and obedient to their calling.

Diet Pepsi is my drink of choice.  On this adventure I could have seen flexibility as drinking Coca light (diet coke).  However, true flexibility is the ability to bend my will to God’s will. To follow Him to those unknown places He leads.  To be His instrument, be it in Benin or Panama City.

Chandler Renee - 11 months

11 months. 11 MONTHS. ELEVEN. Are you kidding me?! Seriously, she's 11 months today. This past month has been a blast with her. It was like all of the sudden she decided to do a bazillion new "tricks." She hasn't perfected them yet, but she's working on them. She's started trying to dance. Any time she hears music she will bend her little knees or shake her little bum. Seriously, so cute. We have a dance party every morning. She's also working on clapping. Her right hand does better than her left hand, so it's not perfect yet either. But if you say, "Yayyyyyyy," you better believe she'll be hitting her little hands together. She continues to pretend like everything is a cell phone and you must say hello if she puts something to her ear. She does a great job walking all around our living room from couch to table to chair, etc. And sometimes she gets the courage to walk from the couch all the way to the dining room table... and for her little legs, that's a good distance! Some times she tries to repeat what you say. Really, she's probably just making random noises, but it happens to sound like "bye-bye" or "tout à l'heure." Or we really do have an overachieving bilingual child and I'm ok with that.

This month she got settled back into her home and bedroom in Benin. She loves to play with the toys in her bedroom! I think she knows it's her space. We spent a week alone without Trey. It was like a slumber party every night - even the night we didn't have power for 5+ hours and had to help the guard refill the generator with gas at 2 a.m. :) She hasn't done much world traveling this month, but did make a trip to the Togo border. It should have only taken 4 hours total and took over 6 hours! She did great on the trip. She's started to wear shoes! I know, they aren't supposed to wear shoes while learning to walk, and most days she doesn't put a pair on. But when we're going out and she might walk in a dirty place, she wears shoes. She's getting better at walking in them.

I'm going to do my best to cherish this next month before we have a 1 YEAR OLD child! I'm sad that this month is so short. It will fly by faster than usual. But alas, here's to the last month of Chandler's first year!

2013: a look back

Wow. 2013 has been one of the most incredible years ever. The theme of our marriage has not stopped. Still lots of traveling and moving this year, but we are at least settled for a while.

This year started with us in Nigeria. After an unsettling event, we began to question if we were in the right place for us. We returned to the states to have Chandler, not knowing what we should do. After much prayer, conversation, and reflection, we decided to look for other positions in our organization that were in a less tumultuous place. We settled on Benin and then focused on our baby coming!



Chandler was born March 13. The day that forever changed us. There are small details of the day I may forget, but for the most part I can remember everything. Trey tells me that I've already forgotten about the pain of the contractions. I mean, they weren't that bad, right?! I was determined to have her on the 13th, though, because I thought it would be a cool birthday - 3.13.13 - cool, right?!

Two and a half months later we boarded our plane to Benin. We landing in French speaking Africa and already felt a peace. It was very different than Nigeria. Still a very lost area, just a different kind. We immediately jumped into language study and worked on getting our house ready to move in. With in two weeks we were moved in and doing full time language study.


Shortly after our arrival, we headed to Kenya for a retreat. The time with other workers from our organization was amazing. And the weather was absolutely wonderful on top of the mountain! Seriously, it was freezing at night. Chandler slept in footie pajama's, two swaddling blankets, a fleece blanket, and a hat! After the retreat was over we had the opportunity to go on a Safari! Once in a lifetime opportunity. I encourage anyone who EVER has the opportunity to go on a safari - jump on it. Seriously, incredible. And we didn't even see all the animals.

We made it back to Benin and back into French study. We were able to help with a few volunteer teams here. That gave us great insight in to Benin and the people here. We also got to do the touristy things with them and had the chance to visit Ganvie for the first time. We got introduced to Frances early on in our arrival to Benin. We also met her family. Her uncle has become a good friend of ours and through him Trey had the opportunity to share the gospel with his friend and see a new believer. We also had a volunteer team come from Hiland Park Baptist to do a pastor's training. It was nice to have friends visit.

In August, I experienced my first time driving in Africa. Seriously, that's a feat worthy of mentioning in the yearly post. In October, we took a trip to Ghana for a short break. We really enjoyed our time with friends. In November, we celebrated Thanksgiving at the American Ambassador's house! It's as close to America as we could get. We watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, football, and ate turkey & ham and other American classics made by guests.

December started with us preparing to come to the states for Christmas. We headed to Florida and had a great time with family & friends. The whole time we were back and forth between Panama City & Pensacola. We celebrated the marriage of one of my best friends, Michelle (and Jeremy), at the end of December in Dothan. Then, Trey's birthday on December 29th. New Year's Even was simple since we had a sick kiddo, but she quickly got over that.

This year really has been incredible. We are so thankful for the opportunities the Lord has provided us with this year. We are so thankful for your support, prayers, and encouragement as we strive to do what we have been called to.

Chandler Renee - 10 months

Finally, caught up. 10 months. This happened so quickly. Watching a child grow is truly an amazing thing. I thank God daily for allowing us to be a part of Chandler's life. I am also amazed at how He has designed us to grow. Seriously.

Most of this month was spent in America. She celebrated her first Christmas and New Year's! She got to see so many family and friends that she had not seen in months. And she did great with all of it. In Africa, she never meets a stranger. I was afraid, though, after so much travel and lack of sleep and transition she wouldn't do well in America. After an 8 hour car ride, 6 hour plane ride, 8 hour layover, 9 hour plane ride, and another 5 hour car ride we arrived at Trey's parents house. One of my biggest fears was that she would cry when she saw them because of exhaustion. She proved us wrong and jumped right in, at midnight, and started playing with them! It took a few days to adjust to the time difference, but her grandparents and great grandparents didn't mind getting up with her at 5 a.m. and letting us sleep :) We spent the first few days in Panama City, then drove to Pensacola for a week, and back to Panama City for a wedding in Dothan. Then Trey headed to California for the National Championship game and me & Chandler went back to Pensacola. Every car ride she did great! Like I said last month... she's so flexible. Since we got back to Benin, it only took a day or two to adjust to the time difference. We are SO thankful!

Rigo was right. She was saving her second tooth for America! Within a few days of arriving, her second tooth cut through. And we could see her top teeth start moving in. She cut her first top tooth the day she turned 10 months old! This month was much like the first time she rolled over. Chandler took her first steps on Christmas Eve!! And then didn't take anymore. Once we got back to Benin, she got her courage back and began taking more steps. She's showed off for everyone here. We wanted her to get as much baby socialization as possible so she went to Mother's Day Out and the nursery every chance she could. She also loved playing with her cousin, Owen, even though sometimes he wasn't too fond of her taking his toys :) Along, with her first steps she got her first real runny nose from the cold weather and a bought with RSV at the very end of our trip. She kicked it quickly, thankfully, and got a clear check up from the doctor just before we left.

We took her for her 9 month well baby check up when we first got there. She weighed 17 pounds 7 ounces, 26.25 inches long, and her head is 18 inches around. She's thinned out since she started crawling and seems to be a shorty. Not sure where she gets that from! But we do love our petite little girl.

Chandler Renee - 9 months

Chandler turned 9 months right after we got back to the states for vacation. This meant I was a really bad mom and I didn't get her official 9 month pictures, but of course, I have plenty of other pictures.

This month Chandler celebrated her first Thanksgiving!! We were supposed to get together with some other American's at our supervisors house, but after Barbara battling with sickness, we weren't able to. We decided to accept an invitation to attend a dinner at the American Ambassador's house! I mean, can't say we've done that before. They had really good meat, which is hard to find here. Ham & turkey. However, Chandler only had veggies I brought from home. Sorry, kid. She enjoyed it, though! There was so much going on and so many other kids to watch. We also visited our house-helper's home. She was great with his daughters (he has 8!), and really loved the oldest. 

The best part about this month was that Chandler decided to take a bottle!!!! I have no idea why all of the sudden. We had been leaving a sippy cup with our babysitter while we went to language. She wouldn't usually drink much from it, but it was enough to keep her happy/distracted after she got up from her nap until I got home. One day I was fixing the sippy cup, gave it to her, and the "no-leak" cup started leaking. Her other cup was dirty and she was screaming for it. I quickly put it in a bottle thinking it's worth a shot... she downed it!! This made things so much easier. The babysitter began giving her a bottle every day and we gave her one in the morning as well. It had to be a God thing. Her taking a bottle meant we could have some free time and her grandparents could watch her whenever they wanted while we were home. 

This month our One-Tooth-Wonder lives on! Rigo, our house-helper, keeps saying she's saving the second for America. She decided to grow attached to a particular toy this month. She doesn't drag it around with her, but it comforts her when she's sleepy and fussy. She can be upset and you pick her up trying to calm her down, and that works, sort of. But if you pick her up and give her the bunny, she's silent :) This helped on our trip home! Bunny helped her stay calm for most of the trip. She began cheering on her Noles this month & playing ball with daddy. I think he's pretty happy about both of these things! The biggest thing that happened this month was traveling to America. She hadn't done that trip since she was 2.5 months old! It was very different this time, but all-in-all we can't complain. We've got a very flexible baby.