2014: The Last Quarter

October, November, & December went by so quickly. More quickly than I even had planned. We just wanted to give a little update on our lives these last three months.

October: We started the month apart - with Chandler & Kristen in South Africa & Trey headed to the US to start vacation. The girls then made a 16 hour flight {that is 16 hours… in the air… on the same plane… with a toddler!} to meet with Trey for vacation. We had a great time with family & friends - splitting our time between Pensacola & Panama City. We were even able to get in a FSU game while we were there.

November: We returned back to Benin to the end of rainy season and the beginning of dry & hot season. Thankfully we had a few more rains before it completely stopped. Our friend Anthony joined us for a few weeks in November. We, along with our supervisors and another colleague from West Africa, hosted an evangelism training for Baptist churches in 3 different cities. We traveled the furthest north we've ever traveled in Benin to Parakou. We ended the month with 2 Thanksgiving celebrations - first, at the US Ambassador's house and second, at our supervisor's house.

December: Based on our schedule, we thought this would be a slower month… at least until Christmas. Boy, were we wrong. The first two weeks we were just doing language. But then Trey got sick. He was sick enough for our IMB nurses & doctor to put him on the next flight out to get medical care in a better place. Kristen & Chandler went to spend time with Little Man and our friends in Sakété while Trey spent a week in Kenya getting all sorts of labs & tests done. He arrived back in Benin just 2 days before Christmas. We were thankful for a quick diagnosis! But it did change our Christmas plans a bit. We had planned to travel to Ghana & spend Christmas with colleagues there. Trey didn't get back in time for us to apply for the Ghana visas, so we changed our plans & spent Christmas in Sakété. We missed our friends in Ghana, but we couldn't have asked for a better Christmas. More to come about this in our next post! Trey then celebrated his 27th birthday at the beach! And we wrapped up 2014 with the loudest firecrackers we've ever heard {setting off firecrackers in-between a concrete wall & concrete house will do that}.

Here's to 2015 - a year that holds lots of anticipation, excitement, uncertainty, and faith.

#givingtuesday

I love to shop. And I love a good deal. So naturally, I love Black Friday. (Side note: But my favorite shopping day of the year is the day after Christmas shopping, possibly because one year my brother and I saw two grown women get in a fist fight over a RubberMaid wrapping paper holder at Target.) Black Friday has grown into Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday. I'm totally ok with that. Great deals everywhere.

There's a new trend for Tuesday. It's called Giving Tuesday. Basically, you've spent a ton of money throughout those 3 days on yourself, your family, and your friends, so on Tuesday it's time to give back. There are a ton of amazing organizations to give to and people in the community to share with. We want to throw another opportunity out there.

We posted recently about the cost of our adoption. We've done two different fundraisers, and it's time for another. Today we want to start piecing together our family. Here's the idea: We have bought a 500 piece puzzle. We're "selling" each piece for $10. For every $10 given, we will write that person's name or family's name on the back of a puzzle piece. We will then put the puzzle together as a family, frame it with glass on both sides, and hang it in our home as a constant reminder of everyone who helped "Piece Together Our Family." In case you haven't done the math yet, 500 x $10 = $5,000. That would be an incredible dent in our fundraising.

We will hopefully post pictures weekly of all the pieces bought that week to show our progress. We've decided to leave the puzzle in the states for now because of the harsh climate here. Trey's parents have agreed to help with the names and pictures. We've ordered a puzzle from Ravensburger puzzles of a picture we've taken in Benin. It will look like this:

So, we hope on this Giving Tuesday you will find a place to give back. If you would like to donate to our adoption needs, you can visit our donation website: www.youcaring.com/fondrenadoption or if you'd prefer to give cash or check, you can give it to a family member in Pensacola or Panama City or contact us for an address to mail.

We encourage you to find somewhere and someway to give back this holiday season!

On social media use: #givingtuesday and #fondrenadoption

setbacks

We have all experienced setbacks in our life. It's normal. In college, I got mono and had to take a semester off to get better. Then, I chose to move for my dream job which caused me to put school off a little longer. After Trey and I got married, that job was being dissolved. Later that year my mom was diagnosed with cancer. We applied to be missionaries with the IMB and were set to be appointed in September, but that weekend my mom passed away. Another setback. Daily in Africa we experience setbacks. Nothing works as smoothly as we think it should. Some of these setbacks have been paths I've chosen and some have been unavoidable. Some I would rather have not experienced. What I'm saying is that setbacks are normal. They are a part of life. And not a single one of these setbacks has caused me to not reach the end goal.

In adoption, we were warned to be patient. There would be setbacks. No questions, it would happen. So, earlier this week when we heard that the papers we thought went to the notary in mid-October possibly didn't go, we were disappointed. We set up a meeting with our lawyer to find out what was going on. From Tuesday to Friday we had time to process this possibility. And on Friday, it was confirmed. Those papers had not gone to the notary. You see, these papers start a mandatory 3 month waiting period. We thought that time would be up mid-January, but now... it hasn't even started. First setback.

So far, this is our only setback. But it will help prepare us for others. We are told the papers will go to the notary next week. Pray with us that this will happen. And that the notary will sign them & return them quickly. We're ready to have Little Man in our home. We're ready to have our family together under one roof.

But for now, we are trying to be patient and take each setback for what it's worth, realizing that God is faithful and will see it through to the end of this process.

National Adoption Month

In case you didn't know, November is National Adoption Month. We are almost to the end of the month, and we haven't posted anything about it yet. There's a lot of reasons for this - computer crashing, traveling and lack of internet, visitors in Benin - but one in particular is that I'm not sure what to say about it, yet. We are still early on in this adoption process. I know that the roller coaster of emotions is only beginning and I'm still trying to figure out how to process all of it.

We were in the states in October for vacation. Before we left, we visited with Little Man. Within a week of us returning, we headed to visit him again. We turned on the road to the orphanage excited to see him with his young "brothers" and two older "sisters" walking home from school for lunch. Everyone was excited to see us… except for him. The other boys all quickly jumped in the back of the truck for a ride up to the building. Little Man refused. He was scared. He began kicking and screaming.  My heart sank. I was so sad. I was hoping for a joyous welcome. The last time we saw him we were smiling and laughing and playing… and now this.

I know… what else should I expect. He's a young child who has been on quite the roller coaster of a life already. And then these people come in and tell him we're going to make him a part of our family. Then he doesn't see us for a month. And then we're back again. I'm sure I would be kicking and screaming, too. I can't even imagine all of the thoughts going through his head.

Eventually, and reluctantly, he entered the compound. He gave us hugs… reluctantly. And then we gave him some clothes and a few small toys we brought back for him from America. He warmed up a little more to us and left with a smile on his face to return to school for the afternoon session. I left mixed with emotions. We returned a week later for another short visit and it was much better. No kicking and screaming, and I even got a few kisses.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is… we have a long journey ahead. Even once Little Man is officially part of our family we will still have a long road ahead. However, because of things like National Adoption Month we can connect with a community on the same journey as we are. We can understand what it is like to be adoptive parents just beginning or even ten years into it. We can read articles written by adopted children/adults or siblings of adopted children about their "side" of things. This month helps us to feel like we're not on this journey alone, and for that I am grateful.

The Cost

We've mentioned before about the cost of our adoption. We are hoping to save some money by being in country, however, that doesn't mean it's free!  We want to help you better understand our costs. Since we are not going through an agency, we can't give the exact total, but only what we believe are the costs. And there are some items we are still unsure of, so those will be blank for now and I'll fill them in as we get a better idea.

Orphanage & Benin Lawyer Fees…….$9,333 (7,500 Euros - paid 4,500)
USA Lawyer Fees……………………....$3,600 (paid in full)
Translation…………………………...….$521 (275,000 CFA - already paid this amount, but more to come)
Homestudy……………………………....???
Benin Passport…………………………$60 (approximate)
USA Visa……………………………...…...???
USA Paperwork……………………...….$720 + $85
Room & Board                                $65/month (while he is not in our home)
Current Total (approximate)             $15,000

There are several other possible costs that we are not sure that we will have to pay yet. Some of these costs could increase as time goes on (translation, room & board). We share this information so you can see the amount that we have in front of us. Through our current fundraising we have raised: $2,030. Obviously, we have a little ways to go. Thankfully, we still have time. Be on the look out for some more fundraising efforts. And if you'd like a shirt, let us know. We've had more interest and will be placing another order!

Fundraising Items

Are you looking to get a gift for that special person in your life? Maybe you want to get your Christmas shopping done early? And you like to support a cause while you're shopping?? We'll I've got just the gift for you! We've got several different items made in African cloth that we bought in Benin and Nigeria. Buying one of these items and 100% of the cost goes towards our adoption! See the items posted below and visit this Facebook album to see all the patterns available. Everything is first come, first serve - so comment, email, text, call, whatever you gotta do, just get in touch with us! If you'd like the item shipped, add $3. If you've already bought a shirt, we'll add your items to your package.

But most importantly, please continue to be praying. We're still waiting. We hope to begin the judicial process some time early in 2015, but we aren't sure yet. So, pray for patience. Pray for our relationship to continue to grow with Little Man. Pray for his health and safety. Pray for our friends who are caring for him, treating him as one of their own. And pray now for a smooth judicial process.

The First Time We Met...

It's been such a BIG few days for our family. Friday, we welcomed our niece Olivia into the world. Sunday, we met Little Man. Monday, we celebrated our sis-in-law, Ashley's birthday (and Olivia went home from the hospital). And Tuesday was the anniversary of my mom's Home-going. I think the Lord is really awesome at providing such exciting times in our family during one of the hardest times.

The month of September, 2007, was the first time I met Trey. It's only fitting that 7 years later, the same month is the first time we meet our Little Man. That's what happened this weekend. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't what I had pictured or dreamed of, but it is reality. On Sunday, we met with the President of the NGO we're working with in order to sign some papers and get some basic information. We then learned that we had been sitting next to Little Man while waiting for him to arrive. I had thought it was possibly him, but I wasn't sure. And he wasn't sure about us.

The day before he was brought from the village to the orphanage. He and his siblings have been living with extended family after his parent's passing. For now, we'll be keeping most of his story private, but we want you to know a little about him. A lot of changes happened for him in a matter of hours. And then he was told these white people, possibly the first white people he's ever seen, want him to be a part of their family. He's 3, almost 4. This is a lot for him to process. He closed up a little bit. That night we ate dinner at the orphanage, and one of the other kids convinced him to come greet us. Since he doesn't speak a lick of French, they had taught him to say, "Bonsoir." He greeted us, and then went to sit with a friend.

Monday we saw him again. He came to greet us immediately, but wasn't necessarily friendly. Trey went out for some research with some pastors and I stayed there. He eventually came around to play with Chandler and some of the other kids. I got a few smiles out of him... He would stare at me or Chandler and when I would look at him with a smile, he would turn away quickly to hide his smile. I also found out he's ticklish :) that really made him smile. The other kids asked him to put on a shirt. He didn't want to. We spent about an hour trying to convince him to put one on. We asked where his shirt was from the day before, but he said he had lost it. We later found it mixed in with the dishes... who knows how that happened. But he was very happy when it was found. When Trey got back he somehow convinced him to play. Trey kicked soccer balls back and forth between him and another boy. When they wore Trey out, Trey sat down and threw the balls with them. All three really enjoyed it. And I enjoyed watching it. When it was time for us to leave, he was wrapped in an African cloth wrapper since his clothes were being washed. He was sent out to tell us bye, and had the biggest smile and laugh. We said goodbye in French and in Goon (which he speaks).

I'm sure he's still not too sure about us. That makes sense. But we're grateful for the opportunity to meet him. We also will be able to visit him as we like. There's still not a definite timeline for us. We know we're approaching a 3 month wait period. His family will go to a notary to sign a paper saying they want him to be adopted. Then, we wait. There's 3 months for anyone in his family to take that paper back saying they'll provide care for him. So, until that time is up, we wait. We pray. We ask you to pray. We connect with him. We raise funds. That's where we are.